Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
