Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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