I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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