I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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