Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
