dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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