Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
