Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
