Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
