Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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