Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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