At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
