i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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