I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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