i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
