dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
