I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
