You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
