Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
