Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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