loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
