Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
