Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I smell stomach acid.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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