Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
the raccoons are back...
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