Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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