I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
