Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
