No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
