i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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