If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
