I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
