a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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