that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
