at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
