Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
