are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
