I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
