Me too!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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