The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
how drunk are you?
Several
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
