so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
