i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
