Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
