her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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