What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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