Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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