So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
