Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
