Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
