I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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