Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
