FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
