I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
