I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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