I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
